Nature has received feedback.
We found 17 one-star reviews of national parks and natural sites where the problem was not so much the park as the continued refusal of Earth to provide basic customer service.
1. Grand Teton National Park โ Mountains In The Way
A Google reviewer had one problem with Grand Teton:
โMountains were blocking the sunset.โ
We have contacted the mountains.
2. Big Bend National Park โ Poorly Trained Lizards
A reviewer encountered local wildlife and found the service lacking.
โThe lizards were not friendly.โ
No customer-service training whatsoever.
3. White Sands National Park โ Too Much Sand
A Tripadvisor reviewer objected to the sand and suggested the federal government should have built a water park instead.
White Sands regrets the confusion.
4. Yellowstone National Park โ Smells Like Yellowstone
One Yelp reviewer complained about the sulfur smell and wondered why the park couldnโt install air fresheners.
The geothermal system remains unwilling to smell like Febreze.
5. Death Valley National Park โ Cat Not Included
A Google reviewer described Death Valley as:
โA giant litter box.โ
No cat was located.
6. Grand Canyon National Park โ Excessive Canyon
A Yelp reviewer said the Grand Canyon was too big. His wife also decided to divorce him while they were there.
Mixed review for geology and marriage.
7. Joshua Tree National Park โ Rocks Need Maintenance
One reviewer thought the rock formations looked run-down and proposed restoring them with steel beams and poured foundations.
Infrastructure bill pending.
8. Hawaiโi Volcanoes National Park โ Walmart, But Lava
A hike through an old volcano reminded one reviewer of an:
โempty Walmart parking lot.โ
Parking remains free.
9. Kenai Fjords National Park โ Whales Underperformed
A visitor who had never seen Alaska, whales or glaciers finally saw whales and decided they were not that exciting.
The whales have been informed.
10. Badlands National Park โ Old Brown Mud
A Yelp reviewer summarized the Badlands as ancient brown mud with few redeeming qualities.
This is broadly how geology works.
11. Yosemite National Park โ Bear Scheduling Failure
One visitor stayed at Yosemite and did not see a bear.
The bears failed to honor their reservation.
12. Petrified Forest National Park โ Nothingburger
A Google reviewer found the trails underwhelming and called the entire park a:
โhuge nothingburger.โ
The wood is literally rock.
13. Everglades National Park โ Too Consistent
A Tripadvisor reviewer said that after youโve seen some trees and grass, the Everglades starts to feel repetitive.
Wetland accused of having a theme.
14. Saguaro National Park โ Phone Won
Two visitors became so bored on the scenic loop that they wrote their one-star Yelp review while still driving it.
Cactus failed to retain engagement.
15. Rocky Mountain National Park โ People Looking At Elk
A reviewer was unimpressed with the park and particularly annoyed that other visitors kept stopping to look at elk.
Elk remain visible without an appointment.
16. Arches National Park โ Insufficient Arches
One reviewer expected arches as far as the eye could see and felt the name was misleading.
Renaming proposal: Several Arches Scattered Over Thousands of Acres National Park.
17. Mount Rainier National Park โ No Tram To The Summit
One reviewer complained that there was no tramway to the summit and apparently expected people to walk up the mountain.
Mountain refuses to install elevator.
Seventeen parks. Seventeen preventable failures by nature.
These are individual customer reviews or summaries of them, not our assessment of the parks. Some may be sincere. Some may be jokes. Nature declined to comment.
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