FICTION — Rock Ptarmigan News Service
LAKE WAPITI CAMPGROUND — Campground guests filed a formal noise complaint Saturday against a pileated woodpecker that began operating on a dead pine at 5:38 a.m., more than an hour before posted quiet hours ended.
The first complaint reached campground host Marlene Brooks at 5:44.
The second arrived at 5:49.
By 6:02, three separate campers had identified the bird as “construction.”
“It sounded like somebody was using a hammer on a tree,” said Site 11 occupant Dennis Walsh.
Brooks agreed this description was substantially correct.
Pileated Woodpeckers excavate wood while foraging and nesting and also produce powerful drumming sounds used in communication and territorial behavior.
Cornell Lab describes their drumming as a deep rolling sound lasting around three seconds.
This information did not improve Walsh’s sleep.
“The sign says quiet hours until seven,” he said.
Brooks explained that campground quiet-hour rules apply to campers and visitor activity.
They do not apply to native wildlife.
Walsh asked whether this was written down.
Brooks said it had never previously seemed necessary.
The woodpecker continued.
At 6:10, another camper, Priya Menon, emerged from her tent and immediately identified the bird.
“Oh, that’s a pileated,” she said.
Menon is a birder.
She described the event as “fantastic.”
Walsh described Menon’s response as “part of the problem.”
The bird moved higher in the snag and delivered several additional bursts.
A child from Site 14 came outside in pajamas.
Another child followed.
By 6:20, the original complaint had accidentally created a small wildlife-watching event.
Brooks asked everyone to remain out of the road.
Walsh returned to his tent.
Five minutes later he emerged carrying a hand-written piece of cardboard reading:
QUIET HOURS 10 PM–7 AM
He leaned it against a picnic table facing the bird.
Brooks removed it.
“It cannot read,” she said.
Walsh said that was not the point.
Brooks asked what the point was.
Walsh went back inside.
The pileated woodpecker remained for another twenty minutes, alternating between foraging and short calls.
Cornell Lab notes that both sexes may drum on trees throughout the year and use drumming in territorial and courtship contexts.
There was no indication the bird was responding to the campground controversy.
At 6:57, it flew across the loop and landed on another dead tree.
At 7:01, it stopped.
Walsh later described this timing as “suspiciously precise.”
Brooks said it was coincidence.
At 7:03, a family at Site 8 began preparing breakfast.
A metal pot fell onto a picnic table.
At 7:07, two car doors closed.
At 7:11, a child began repeatedly asking where the syrup was.
Walsh remained in his tent until 8:26.
The pileated woodpecker did not return.
Brooks said the campground received no additional wildlife noise complaints that morning.
She did, however, receive one complaint about a generator operating after permitted hours.
“That one,” she said, “I can actually do something about.”
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