FICTION — Rock Ptarmigan News Service
PINE RIDGE TRAILHEAD — A black bear that investigated a parked Subaru Wednesday abandoned the vehicle after determining that its contents consisted almost entirely of climbing equipment, reusable water bottles, and one pair of approach shoes with what officials called “significant aromatic presence.”
The bear was observed at approximately 7:10 a.m. in a trailhead lot near the fictional Pine Ridge climbing area.
Witnesses said it approached several parked vehicles, paused near a dark green Subaru Outback, and looked through the rear side window.
Inside were two ropes, four climbing helmets, three backpacks, a crash pad, two pairs of climbing shoes, a bag of chalk, trekking poles, a guidebook, and a hand-written note reading SNACKS IN LOCKER.
“It really looked like the bear was processing the inventory,” said climber Hannah Cole. “There was a moment where I felt embarrassed on behalf of the car.”
National Park Service bear guidance warns visitors that bears can associate vehicles, coolers, bags, campsites, and other human objects with food. In some parks, even food wrappers, toiletries and empty coolers must be stored under specific rules.
Cole said the climbing group had removed all food and scented items from the vehicle in accordance with local guidance.
This left the Subaru functionally inedible.
The bear circled the car once, rose briefly to look through another window, then returned to all fours.
“It was the most judgmental I’ve ever seen an animal look at a rack of quickdraws,” said Cole’s climbing partner, Andrew Kim.
Ranger Paul Hensley arrived after another visitor reported the bear in the lot.
Hensley kept visitors back and waited for the animal to move through on its own.
“This is exactly why proper food storage matters,” he said. “The best outcome is the bear investigates the general environment, finds no reward, and leaves.”
The bear did.
Before leaving, however, it reportedly sniffed near the rear hatch for several seconds.
Cole believes this was due to the approach shoes.
“I would like the record to show those were Andrew’s,” she said.
Kim denied ownership of the strongest-smelling pair.
No damage was found on the vehicle.
Hensley said visitors should not interpret this outcome as proof that leaving items in cars is universally safe. Food-storage rules differ by park, campground, and time of day, and some locations require food and scented items to be removed from vehicles entirely or placed in lockers.
“The point is to follow the rule where you are,” he said. “Not to read a funny story and decide bears dislike climbing gear.”
Local climbing guide Eric Voss agreed.
“They probably dislike the prices,” he said.
Voss was asked to clarify whether that was a wildlife fact.
“It was not,” he said.
By 7:25 a.m., the bear had crossed the edge of the parking lot toward a secured trash enclosure.
It paused there but did not gain access.
The climbing group waited until rangers confirmed it was appropriate to approach the vehicle.
Cole opened the hatch.
Inside, everything remained untouched.
“Two thousand dollars in ropes, shoes, cams, helmets and hardware,” she said. “The bear wanted a granola bar.”
Kim then discovered one stale energy-gel wrapper in the pocket of his pants.
Hensley stared at him for several seconds.
The wrapper was immediately secured.
Related: A Bear Locker Full of Questions · 8 Bear-Resistant Food Containers Bears Will Never Appreciate · Bear Claims Tent Attack Was “Mostly Investigative”
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